A couple months ago I was asked to apply for a full-time position with a local municipality. The job itself had lots of elements that I was super excited about. Helping grow the leadership skills of my management team, looking for ways to help more people in more meaningful ways, being part of a larger organization with the resources that that come with that, having a predictable income with benefits and a pension. Being an entrepreneur can be hard.
I debated for weeks whether or not to apply. If I were to get the job, it would mean basically closing down my business. There is no way I would have the time to do both. As I struggled around whether or not to apply I had a few conversations with women that I admire and respect. And what came to light was, why not apply? See what happens, learn more about what the actual job would be. If they happen to offer it to me, I can decide then if it’s a fit. The simple act of applying does not mean that I will get, or will take, the job. It means that I’m interested and I want to learn more.
So, I applied. And there was a piece of me that felt like I was selling out. Felt like I couldn’t hack it as an entrepreneur and maybe I should just go work for someone else. Take the entrepreneurial exit.
A few weeks later, I was told that I wasn’t selected.
A huge rush of emotion came over me.
Relief. So much relief!
There are times in our lives where we question the path we are on. Question what it is that we are doing. And I think it’s healthy in those moments of true uncertainty, to look at what the other options are. It reminds me of something that Andrea J. Lee calls the take-away maneuver. Whatever it is that you are unsure about, imagine that it’s gone, it’s been taken away. You no longer have it. How does that feel? When I think about no longer having my business, my coaching clients, my courses/workshops, my public speaking, it’s like a knife through my heart. My work is what I want to do. Period.